Finite Mathematics

I am a very intelligent young woman. This semester I started college and was told that based on my ACT scores I could pretty much take any class offered at NWACC. Seeing as how math is my best subject I took the highest math there that I hadn't already taken. Finite Mathematics. I was looking forward to this class because I love to learn. My teacher, however, does not teach us. He does a few really long problems on each subject, tells us what he is doing, but does not tell us why or really how.

We were given a quiz today and because it took the whole class about 20 minutes to do it he told us that we are not prepared for the text coming up in a week. My thought on this is...isnt it just as much his responsibility to make sure we are prepared as it is ours. Several kids in my class have gone to him for help and he tells them that they are wrong but that he doesn't have time to help them. He sends them to the tutoring center. Most of our class failed the first test and he makes it out to be their fault.

Most days in class I try not to pay much attention because when I do I notice all the stuff he messes up and when I correct him he tells me I am wrong. Then another student can say the exact same thing I said and he thanks them for pointing it out. If I had wanted to take an independent study class I would have taken Discrete Mathematics..oh but wait, he is the professor for that.

I just dont understand how it is that MOST of my class fails and it is their fault. I don't listen to him at all and I made a B. Does this say something about the students or the teacher. The worst part of this is that he already treats me like I am stupid and talks to me in the rudest way, so I am afraid that if I confront these problems it will get worse. I just don't think that any of his students are learning anything from him.

Thinking Positive

I have to always had a hard life. I have a grandmother that lies about me all the time, and a grandmother you has told me my entire life that I am fat and need to lose weight and stop eating. My mom and dad have always told me that I am to strong to let people hurt and therfore and never there for me when i need them! They yell at me and put me down tramendously on a daily basis. I live in a house full of negative thought, actions, and feeling toward everything, and everyone! When my family and I fight I get online and talk to my very best friend Mrs G. She tells me how she feels and tries her absolute best to encourage me and lift me up, but for some reason I can never except it. I always argue with her and keep myself in a negative state!
Yesterday I had a hard night and was scared I was going to lose her...i have never been that scared before in my life! She ensured me that I was a good mother, a good friend, and told me that I can be very successful in life. She has helpede me through a lot of things and has finally opened eyes wider than ever before. I realized that I am the only one that can get both myself and my daughter away from all of this and to do that I have to be strong and stay positive.

From now on i am looking forward to my future and how great life is going to be for me. I am going to work hard to give my daughter a good life and teach her good values. I am never going to treat her the way that my family treats me and I will never put her down.
I am chooseing today to live my life in a positive christian way for not only myself but for my baby girl!
I love you Mrs G and i want you to know that i am so very blessed to have someone like you in my life!

why

Why do people jump to conclusions?
Why is it easy to criticise someone elses life but we are oblivious to our own?
Why do we fear things that we shouldnt fear?
Why do we think of people we shouldnt think of?
Why do we believe people we have never met before?
Why do we become attached to some people and not others?
Why is it so easy to judge others for their sin..but ourselves?
Why does anyone ever love another?
What makes us love some people but not all?
Just Why?

Aimless Ramble

What do you do when you do not know what you want? I dont think I am alone in this...how do you find the passion that has been stiffled? When I was younger I always had some idea of what I wanted. Now it has become such a mystery and the frustration it brings is incredible. I am drifting. I do not know what to do or which way to go. The right decisions are eluding me. Everything seems so cryptic, like everyone is in on some piece of the puzzle I have surely missed. I am so detached that I cannot feel things correctly. Everything is so analyzed and compartmentalized and becomes empty in the process. I'm so tired of being hurt that I dont leave myself open or vulnerable. I weigh things back and forth until I am sick. I can see the good and the bad and I flip and flop without making any true progress. I am like a wave trapped and cursed to break on the shore in the same place for eternity. Oppertunities fade and offers made with the best of intentions can cool and disipate as time marches on the puzzle pieces settle. I know that this is important. I know that I am on the edge. i am holding up the line with my inability to jsut figure it out. Right or Left? Up or Down? East or West? I dont want to bury my head in the sand again, butis so tempting to just let it all go. To just break my heart once and for all. To give up. I dont know if I am strong enough for all of that. I can be strong for others, I have done that all of my life. I dont bother them with all of my saddness and fears. I keep it all. But to be strong for me, to do this for me. I am not sure if I can. I am afraid I will cut myself off all together and live alone. Unable to live up to others expectations. I will close the doors and my eyes and let it all go. I dont know how people do it. All the ones I see taking risks and getting up and brishing themselves off. I used to do that. Now i am jsut so lost. I am not on the fight path. I dont know how to find the right path. I am so alone alreadey and so unable to ask for help. It makes it so alluring to just go back to what is familar, even if that is bad. Maybe this is just me paying for the bad choices I made along the way. The things i let happen without putting up a good fight. I didnt hold on to my dreamsor to te thing that make me into me, and in the struglle i lost my essence. I lose myself quite so often now. I think, but seldom comment. It is like bein a specxtator on my own life. I have tried to getin there and really be a part of it, but it is so unnatural at this point that it is exhausting. I am just frustrated. I ont give up. I am nothing if not stubborn. I will keep seeking the missing pieces. Maybe they are here...maybe i am havin trouble focusing on what I am looking for. Maybe I am jsut being greedy. Maybe I should jus continue on where i am and fin the joy inbetween te sorrow. For there is aways joy where ther is sorrow and always sorrow where there is joy. That is just how it works. Maybe it is all Wizard of Oz. Maybe I had to go far and meet new friends to appreciate what I have in my own backyard. That doesn't feel right either.There is something abou tbeing here that just doesn't feel right...kind of like I'm not quite whatwas wanted. Close, but not quite. There is just a feeling, an intuition, that my parting may be in some way a relief. That is so hard, but I have to face it. Maybe there are no happy endings, maybe it isn't passion that I need. Maybe it is hope and trust and faith. I do not think I can get that at the supermarket, so, I may be screwedif that is the problem. What if I never figure it out? What if I wase this life entirely? Running in circles, holding a cup of discontent close to my heart. Funny thing is that I am usually so happy. It is the first and most lasting impression I leave...such a happy girl,,,almost sill she is so happy. But
I have all this confusion inside. All of this longing. I feel so caged and trapped, yet once free I have trouble just running away. Maybe eyes should remain closed. No, I dont believe that. There is a beautiful world out there....I want to be a part of it. I just have to figure out how!

Judgeing

I am 18years old and a senior in high school! I am also a teenage mom. People always look at me like a have some kind o mistakewith my life or something, but i dont think of it that way at all.
So my thought is...if it was them in my shoes, if they were the ones that were moms in high school, would they still think the same thing. Why is it that it is so easy to look at something fom the outside looking in and judge or form an oppinion but when it is you in the situation you feel completely different! i used to tell people i was never gonna have a kid in high school. I was deterined t graduate and go to college and get married first...but that didnt happen and looking back at the way i felt aou tit then and the way i feel about it now..i feel some what wrong! I am not perfect by any means..i hav struggles and problems in my life...but i am making it! I workhard and stay focused on giving my daughter thebest life i can and thats all i can do now! I wanted my little girl..her daddy and i are very happy togehter and very proud of our lives!

I guess the point is, the next time you look at someone and say something like "You're making a huge mistake!" or "how could you do that"..put yourself in their posistion and think about how you would truly handle it, becasue in reality, nobody knows exactly how they would handle anything until they are acctually in the situation!
thats all for today! let me know hat you think!